Reflections on Camp
Three main thought bubbles in my head as I went home today at the end of Camp Sunshine this evening.
First, I'm really happy that the kids had lots of fun during the three days of activities, and I will miss them, but at the same time, I feel rather lousy because incidents kept cropping up at camp which made me feel that I wasn't a good befriender to my wheelchair-bound friend at all. Some of these incidents revealed my negligence and my arrogance to assume that I knew perfectly well how to manage him. Others showed that I wasn't watching out for my child as much as I should and could have done. Other befrienders had to step in and humour my child, fight for his "right" to have a unobstructed view of what was happening, or think about how to move him from Point A to Point B before I thought about it. I am very grateful for the supportive and caring befrienders in my group who filled in the gaps where I had overlooked. I am at the same time regretful that as a befriender, I was unworthy of the beautiful child entrusted to my care. Although his mind is largely shut off to me, I should have tried harder to find a way in and communicate with him, rather than giving up, taking a backseat and letting others do the job on my behalf.
I'm feeling rather low right now. I'd love to continue to contribute to the Camp next year - it's a very meaningful event, and I know I can make a nett positive contribution - but I have doubts if I should contine as a befriender or whether I should do something else like Logistics or Programme instead.
Second, I really appreciated the very long discussion which I had with one of Camp Sunshine volunteers. We talked about a whole range of issues, found points of commonality in our lives and had a real good heart-to-heart chat. It was great to have received some affirmation during the conversation, because it was the fuel that I desperately needed to see me through the Camp, given that my morale and self-confidence had taken a beating following the minor accident near the staircase in Winsfield Hall on the first day morning. Mercifully, there was no injuries!
Third, I think I have not been a great team player at Camp this year. The only thing which I contributed to the group was probably the group's name. Other than that, I had not been involved in the coming up of the cheers, the design of the group T-shirt, the content of the group's dance/rap performance, etc. I wish I had more time earlier to participate in the pre-camp preperatory activities. It would have helped foster even closer bonds between me and my other befrienders.
On the whole, taking a big-picture perspective of things, the camp went well, thanks to everyone who chipped in some of another. I can't wait to see the photographs taken during the camp. :)
First, I'm really happy that the kids had lots of fun during the three days of activities, and I will miss them, but at the same time, I feel rather lousy because incidents kept cropping up at camp which made me feel that I wasn't a good befriender to my wheelchair-bound friend at all. Some of these incidents revealed my negligence and my arrogance to assume that I knew perfectly well how to manage him. Others showed that I wasn't watching out for my child as much as I should and could have done. Other befrienders had to step in and humour my child, fight for his "right" to have a unobstructed view of what was happening, or think about how to move him from Point A to Point B before I thought about it. I am very grateful for the supportive and caring befrienders in my group who filled in the gaps where I had overlooked. I am at the same time regretful that as a befriender, I was unworthy of the beautiful child entrusted to my care. Although his mind is largely shut off to me, I should have tried harder to find a way in and communicate with him, rather than giving up, taking a backseat and letting others do the job on my behalf.
I'm feeling rather low right now. I'd love to continue to contribute to the Camp next year - it's a very meaningful event, and I know I can make a nett positive contribution - but I have doubts if I should contine as a befriender or whether I should do something else like Logistics or Programme instead.
Second, I really appreciated the very long discussion which I had with one of Camp Sunshine volunteers. We talked about a whole range of issues, found points of commonality in our lives and had a real good heart-to-heart chat. It was great to have received some affirmation during the conversation, because it was the fuel that I desperately needed to see me through the Camp, given that my morale and self-confidence had taken a beating following the minor accident near the staircase in Winsfield Hall on the first day morning. Mercifully, there was no injuries!
Third, I think I have not been a great team player at Camp this year. The only thing which I contributed to the group was probably the group's name. Other than that, I had not been involved in the coming up of the cheers, the design of the group T-shirt, the content of the group's dance/rap performance, etc. I wish I had more time earlier to participate in the pre-camp preperatory activities. It would have helped foster even closer bonds between me and my other befrienders.
On the whole, taking a big-picture perspective of things, the camp went well, thanks to everyone who chipped in some of another. I can't wait to see the photographs taken during the camp. :)
posted by Renohtaram @ 10:50 pm
4 comments
4 Comments:
Cheer up!! You've done great! Self reflect is a sign that you really care.
Thanks Bala for your encouragement, A for sharing and L for your SMS as well.
Getting some rest helps. After last night and waking up refreshed, I am rethinking some of the issues again.
I am really happy that the kids had fun. That was the whole point, wasn'it it? ;) Judging from their exhilaration at the hotel, they'll probably remember all the good times - the presents, the friends, the games, the trishaw ride through Chinatown, the campfire, the toys, the Sunshine dance, etc - and hopefully not remember their scratches and fights :)
And as for me, at the end of the day, I have learnt so much about myself from Camp - my strengths and my weaknesses. Now is the time to build upon those strengths and whittle away those weaknesses, so that I can be a better person, and play my part to make Camp even more meaningful for the kids in 2007.
Quote “… kids had lots of fun…”
That is the mission of Camp Sunshine. So what is in the meaning of “lots of fun”?? Is it really just fun, literally? Camp Sunshine comes with a vision to put smiles on our children’s faces (amidst their extraordinary lives). Where for these few days, they can play, walk amongst us and even fight like everyone else….without the care that they are extraordinary. Without the lingering shadow in their mind that “I cant do this, I cant do that because I’m….”
So, has Camp Sunshine accomplished its mission completely, fully and without regrets? I would say: “No, it has not.” Simply it is never possible to fulfill such mission completely without regrets.
So why then do we still do it every year knowing that we are never able to perfect our mission to deliver anyway?
Most of us have a certain expectation to fulfill when we set ourselves out to accomplish. Some of us feel triumph, some of us feel we have failed…But what defines triumph, what defines failure? They are mostly defined by our own meaning. Sure..our lives are never smooth and often “plagued” by incidents. Personally, I do not believe that failure existed. Sure! I do feel lousy at times when I “failed” to accomplish a certain standards that I had set myself to achieve. But mostly, I do not allow myself to wallow in feeling lousy for too long. For every hiccups in life, we learn from it, we overcome it and we become a better person. That’s how we improve our lives and consequently that of others. Cliché as it sounds, but that’s my believe.
Who would ever admit that he has been a good befriender to their kid? I would say of those befrienders in the camp, only a few within the count of my ten fingers would admit such bold statement. Most of us push ourselves beyond limits to be better and better to our kid. We’re never satisfied with what we have done because we just want to do more! Why this is just our nature to improve and kudos to those who feels akin. While it is healthy to push ourselves to improve, it is judgmental o reprimand ourselves. Although its encouraging to know that befrienders reflect upon themselves after Camp, it is also heart aching that many return home with wounded morale.
To my Chris, you don’t know how many female befrienders have commented that you are such a sensitive and attentive befriender to your kid. To quote one “…for a guy, he is extremely attentive. Even as a female myself, I would never have noticed things that he did. I wont be as attentive as him and did those little things he did”. So, to my Chris, although you had not been a good befriender in your own eyes, you are a super befriender in the eyes of many of us. More than you know.
To your kid, although it seems that his mind is largely shut off to you, you meant so much to him than you’ll ever know. Many times, these children do not vocalise their appreciation instantly. Not even after days, weeks, months after camp… But when they are grown and you know from their little comments that they remember you, then you know you have touched their lives. So how deeply do you want to touch their lives? So deep that you can turn their imperfect lives into perfect ones? Or just little gentle touches that leave some warmth in their hearts, smiles on their faces and fond memories in their minds?
One important lesson I learnt in life….Every little small gesture does go a long way and it does change someone’s life…So rather than being ambitious, I like the gentle yet effective approach..
Sure you can contribute from a different aspect next year, from Logistics or Programme… Just that your kid will miss you, trust me. And from the few years of work with Camp, we realise that its no other role is more fulfilling than as a befriender… Who else work more closely and intimately with the kids?
Camp Sunshine is not about the cheers, the design of the group T-shirt, the content of the group's dance/rap performance, etc. Its all about the kid! If I can’t reiterate myself more, I have been encouraging the group not to spend too much time on props, identity, etc… cos I’d rather they spend the time with the kid… So, to my Chris, you have contributed in another way with your attention on your kid and I am an advocate of that attitude… While most of the props are probably in some of our bins now, the words you said are still in the kids’ mind…
At the end of the day, we should not be beaten by the hiccups.. Take it in stride, learn from it and come back next year stronger.
For now, lets give ourselves some deserving appreciation. I got a surprise back rub from someone I respect a lot after camp and that gave me a swell of encouragement. And usually when I’m happy with myself and want to reward myself, I treat myself to a Sushi Tei meal. So what’s your reward to yourself? A pat on the back, a good present you’ve been wanting to get or simply a run along the beach…..?
Thanks Isabel for your post! It was a very heartening read. Thanks for taking the time and effort to pen down your thoughts!
I agree with you that we should "take it in stride, learn from it and come back next year stronger." Yes, I need to see Camp - and life in general - in that light!
As for the reward, tomorrow I'm going for a relaxing swim. It should be good :) I'll be trying on a new pair of goggles (lost the old pair at camp *grin*).
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