Ruminations on pain

Had many sleepless nights this week, over which I had the opportunity to ruminate upon the common human affliction of physical pain. It is a remarkably and intensely personal experience. The rest of the mortal world cannot in any real sense share that pain, no matter what they say or do, though their words and actions can no doubt add or subtract from pyschological and emotional pain. Physical pain may originate from deep within the bones, where it slowly but steadily grinds away a person's sense of well-being. It may erupt with electrifying speed and force when the weakest breath of wind brushes against ultrasensitive skin. It may relentlessly throb away at the brain, blurring vision and fouling moods. It may churn the stomach as it ferments a noxious brew within the body. It may render a person demoralised, incapacitated, unconscious or even worse. When painkillers cannot do the job, there is no point pleading for help to eliminate physical pain. The day rapidly darkens into night and night rapidly darkens into despair, because pain is so remarkably and intensely personal.

MRI Scan

Went for my MRI scan this morning. Was made to put on green-brown robes before being led into a room where I was briefed about Stage 1 of the procedure. I was to have my shoulder cleaned, and then have my shoulder joint injected first with a local anaesthetic and then with a certain fluid which may cause my shoulder to feel heavy and possibly painful. Obediently, I received both sets of injections. As the fluid went steadily throb-a-throbbing from the tube into my shoulder, various images flashed through my mind, not least of all the fight scene from X-Men 2, where Wolverine plunges a syringe of adamantine into Lady Deathstrike, killing her.

After that was done, I was moved to the imaging room for Stage 2 of the procedure...to be actually scanned. There, I was offered earplugs by the nurses and then helped onto the flatbed. I was advised to lie really still, and keep my eyes shut. And then slowly, the flatbed slid into the hollow of the MRI machine, with me on it, like a space-traveller docking into his pod.

And then the fun began. The noises generated by the machine were peculiar! They sounded like a fantastical but rhythmic orchestra where laser beams, cicadas, sleigh bells and mechanical drills comprised the instruments.

I spent a full forty minutes inside the gently vibrating machine. With my eyes shut, I was enveloped in darkness and surrounded by the odd symphony, and I was intensely aware that I was confined within a very small volume of space. The thought that I could be claustrophobic ran through my mind, but it was a silly thought, however imaginative.

The results of my scan won't be out so soon. Meanwhile, my shoulder is aching from the entire experience.

When I got home from work in the evening, I discovered that my virtual Army Commander country had been wiped out by an enemy alliance, and my virtual Travian village had been ransacked and razed by enemy invaders. Sigh.

Feeling like a balloon at the end of a long party

I still can't move my right arm as much as I would like, and I'm still not able to do things as quickly and as independently as I used to. It's a rather deflating feeling.

Took the public bus home from work this evening. Had my right arm in a sling, and a heavy haversack slung across the edge of my left shoulder. I was holding onto a large plastic bag in my left hand and my TransitLink card in my right. It was difficult to balance myself as I stood in the bus while it moved along. Meanwhile, it seemed as if every seated passenger on board had become preoccupied with either observing the dark, dark night scenery outside or watching the travel programme on TVMobile.

Outside's not raining, but inside is wet

Andy dropped by with packed lunch for me today. Thanks, bro :) We had a good short chat, and then he was off, back to work.

This weekend is Animiles Run and Surf and Sweat. I look out of my window, and stare at the sky. Great weather, I should be out there, soaking in the sunshine and glowing with healthy perspiration. And then, as if on cue, my Windows Media Player begins to play my "rainfall" soundtrack. I guess sometimes, some people just don't get the chance to go outdoors, even if it's sunny.

My knees are getting sore from sitting in the house all day.

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Update as of 3 pm

Took my first full-body shower since my accident with Mum's help. Changed into a new running vest. Felt clean. Took a picture of my right shoulder; it looks thin like a stick. Had hoped to train up and thicken the delts and arm, but that's all put on hold now. It's kind of ironic that one of my goals at the gym was to become ripped, and now, I have really ripped something. :) Oh, that dreadful sound of something in my shoulder tearing...Ga! Get it out of my head...

I wonder how the inside of my shoulder looks right now. Maybe like the scene of a railway disaster, with paramedics rushing in to find survivors. Or a sunken vessel, with nascent barnacles taking root all across the deck. Or a weaver ant colony, where hordes of insects are stitching things together.

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Update as of 4.30 pm

I got a call from Tiwazz, asking me to open the door. When I did, Roonz and Tiwazz were standing outside with a cake for me. Sotong had driven them over and he was downstairs in the carpark besides his car :) Thanks for the excellent surprise :D I later found out from them that they had just gone to visit Balasing, and were now going to visit Dreamergal. What a sweet bunch of buddies :)

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Update as of 6.30 pm

Found an online game to play...(psst...if you click on the image, I get extra turns in the game...lol...)

"You need an MRI done..."

Reported dutifully to the specialist at the hospital today, and was told that I would need to get an MRI scan done for my shoulder in order to assess the extent of the damage caused to the soft tissue. The next available slot for the scan is mid-February. My next session with the specialist is scheduled end-February. Meanwhile, rehabilitative physiotherapy will commence on the coming Monday. Depending on how the MRI scan turns out, I may or may not have to undergo the knife to suture my shoulder back in place. What a nice thought to linger in the back of my mind as I await the MRI results...

I also struck up a conversation with a nice, chatty granny in the clinic waiting room. Before we parted, in an oblique reference to the rising medical costs, she uttered: "现在的老人可以死，就是不可以生病。"

Anyway, Cosmic is coming over to visit later this evening, and he'll be packing dinner for the two of us. So, at least there's something uplifting to look forward to in the short-term :)

Friends :D

Many thanks to my visitors this evening: Balasing, Tiwazz, Angelica, Roonz, Sotong, IMD and Astrogirl. It was really very thoughtful of you all to drop in, and the magic of your presence temporarily revived my PC too :) Thanks also to Andy, Dasher, Fennel and Stazla for your kind wishes :D I am so thankful for my friends :)

Life with one non-master arm is tougher than I thought. I can't eat noodles with chopsticks easily, or squeeze the final 5mm of toothpaste from the tube. Operating the mouse is another challenge in itself!

Spent the earlier part of the afternoon reading my third novel. Mrs Margaret Munroe had just been murdered, the second death after young Ronald Treeves' body was discovered buried under the sand near the cliffs of St Anselm's. The list of suspects grows.

When the Shoulder Pops Out of the Socket

I dislocated my right shoulder at around 4 pm today and am now typing this post very very slowly with my left hand. My right arm/shoulder still hurts, but I can laugh it off most of the time. And I was given painkillers. :) My 1-week MC starts Monday. Physio should start within the week. No running, swimming or gym for the next 2 months. Ouch.

Thanks Ripley, Grace and Pong for being at SGH with me this evening.