Theory of the Bucket

Today, I got out of bed at 11 am, had breakfast, then went down to Bukit Panjang to collect my Oakleys. Yes, they've arrived at long last :) Then I met Joe Sim for lunch. It was good to catch up with him, but I think I ended up complaining about my working life more than anything else. :p

My first pair of sporty-blue Oakleys! =)

Recently, I read a book about the Theory of the Bucket. It said that every time we interacted with another person, we either added or took away something from the his/her bucket and our own. Positive interactions filled the buckets. Negative ones drained them. The fuller a person's bucket, the better he or she feels. The book challenged me to engage in more positive interactions (e.g. expressing appreciation and showing recognition of another person's efforts) and reduce negative ones (e.g. picking on faults and ignoring another person's needs), thereby filling my own bucket and the buckets of those around me. It's a tremendously interesting concept, and I am quite keen to try it.

Life will get better. Anyway, Mum's tonic brew seems to be bringing my sore throat under control. The ulcers are still there though.

Hari Raya @ TLR's home - The pics

Our gathering at TLR's house for Hari Raya celebrations (20 November 2005)
(Pic courtesy of Balasing)

To the Movies!

I had a really horrid week, reaching home after eleven every night since Tuesday, including two nights after 1 am. I feel worse with each passing day. I'm slightly feverish, and am high-strung most of the time. My appetite has gone down because of a dry throat which burns when I swallow and two huge ulcers in my mouth which sting whenever they come in contact with anything that I consume. The books on stress management which I had borrowed were helpful to some extent, but I really need to get a better grasp on my work. I hope things improve soon; I've got a nasty feeling that my body won't be able to take the punishing work schedule for much longer.

This morning, I woke up at 6:10 am. It was dreadfully difficult to get myself out of bed, but I did anyway. I had to leave the house early to pick up my child, K, and his brother, J, from their home, and bring them to Orchard Cineplex for a Club Rainbow-organised "Harry Potter: The Goblet of Fire" movie-outing. I met a fellow befriender at K's and J's home, and the four of us (with two wheelchairs) crammed ourselves into a taxi, and headed to town for the 9:30 am show. When we got there, we found that the turnout for the movie was rather good :)

While the children enjoyed the movie immensely, I was quite certain that the dark and sinister overtones of the Goblet storyline only added to my sense of dreariness and gloom. But no matter, today was a day that I had set aside for the kids, and I wasn't going to let my moods ruin the atmosphere.

After the show finished, we had lunch at Burger King, and then later went for a quick spin at Takashimaya, making a stopover at a children's toyshop on Level 4. However, hard as I tried, by about 2 pm, I couldn't ignore my throbbing headache. Just standing also required an immense amount of energy and concentration. [Incidentally, I was told by two different befrienders today that I had lost weight and had fatigue written all over my face. *sigh* Their views echoed those I heard from my current colleagues and my running kakis from SgRunners. *sigh* Such is the toll of my work!]

At 2:20 pm, the kids appeared to have had enough fun in the toyshop, and my fellow befriender suggested that it was time to send them home. I couldn't agree more. We arrived back at K's and J's home at about 3 pm, following which, we conversed with the boys' mother until around 3:45 pm. Then we left. I hoped the kids had fun today. I don't think they come out to Orchard for movies very often.

There was a direct bus which would take me straight home, but the journey would last over an hour. Alternatively, I could opt for a quicker route: take a bus ride to the MRT station, board a train on the Northeast Line, then switch to the East-West Line, then transfer to another bus to get home. I decided on the first approach...at least I could try to get some uninterrupted sleep on the bus.

I couldn't fall asleep on the bus, but my neck felt very strained. I reached home at around 5 pm.

Right now, I'm feeling very, very tired, and my nose is running again. I can only pray for a restful night, and keep my fingers crossed and hope to wake up feeling rejuvenated tomorrow morning.

Saw a doc and borrowed books on managing stress

This morning, I went to Queenstown Polyclinic. I described my symptoms to the doctor, and he made me do a few squats. He said that for my left foot, while I had a normal foot arch when standing, the arch disappeared (i.e. I became "flat-footed") when my knees were bent. It was peculiar, but not that uncommon. As I could have either a stress fracture or gout, he sent me to Singapore General Hospital for an X-ray, and arranged to test my blood for uric acid levels in the polyclinic itself. The X-rays will only come back in a week's time, while my blood sample requires a fortnight to test. The doctor said I would need to come back again in 2 weeks, and he'll go through the results of both tests with me then. Meanwhile, he advised that I lay off running. He also gave me MC for the whole day. I guess that means marathon's off.

Since I was in the Queenstown area, I decided to go to the library which was next to the polyclinic. I borrowed a couple of books on stress management. Very useful stuff. I hope they help me in my work.

In any case, I had things to do in the office, so I returned to work after lunchtime. I reached home at 10.45 pm. After dinner, I checked my blog, and found 3 comments to my last post. They were posts by my running pals, and I thank them for their thoughtfulness, helpfulness and friendship :)

Thanks, running kakis. You all are excellent pals.

Today, I tried to go running with the Mt Faber SAFRA Running Club. We started from the Clubhouse, but barely 3-4 km into journey, I began to feel the pain coming back to my left foot. This was accompanied by a feeling of tightness across my chest. The pain and discomfort were still tolerable, but by the time we had reached Marina South, my pace had slowed down dramatically. I began to get overtaken by everyone else. I checked my HRM. It was reporting 185-190 beats/minute. Although I was used to registering such high heartbeat rates, I previously only got them when I was running much harder, much faster. That was not the case now. Alarm bells rang in my head.

While the rest of the runners maintained their strong momentum and went on towards the designated turning point at the Superbowl, I decided to make an early U-turn and head back to the Clubhouse. I was half hobbling, half walking. The pain ran along the bone of the big toe in my left foot. I had to remove my Polar chest-strap to ease my breathing.

Along Keppel Road, I was overtaken by the SAFRA runners who had touched base at Superbowl, turned around, and were now going back to the Clubhouse. I knew I would probably need another hour and a half to hobble/walk back, and I didn't want to keep them waiting for me at the Clubhouse, so I took the Bus #131 back.

Back at the Clubhouse, a number of the SAFRA runners came up to me to give me advice for my foot. One said I should take painkillers, and go ahead with my running. Another said that I should get a second opinion for my foot (i.e. the orthotics which I had been prescribed by my first doctor was apparently not enough). Another said I should go to visit Dr Ben Tan (former sailor and now renowned sports doctor) at Changi General Hospital. And yet another said that I should go see a Chinese sinseh for acupuncture, moxibustion or massage. And still another said that I should let my foot rest, skip this December's marathon, and try again another time. Someone also pointed out that I may have developed gout, and that I should go for a blood test to check it out.

Sigh. What should I do?

I later SMSed Dr Leong to tell him that my foot problem was acting up again, despite the orthotics. He said that I go see him again for another appointment. I guess I could do that next week. I won't have time to go during the weekdays.

On a happier note, it was SAFRA runner Wong's birthday today. We gathered in the Clubhouse after our run for a cosy celebration. We had cakes, isotonic drinks, fruits and jelly. Later, after we had all showered, we headed for Miramir Hotel for a buffet lunch to further mark the occasion. It was the first time that I've seen so many Mt Faber SAFRA runners in one place. There were Chairman, Eng Hwa, Jimmy (Tuck Seng), Freddy, Alan Chao, Ong, Wong, Kumaran, Patrick, Derrick, and more.

After lunch, I went to TLR's house for a belated Hari Raya party cum SgRunners Meeting. There was a good spread of food, and lots of people to mingle with. There, I saw TLR, Fd, Alvo, Balasing, Kay, Sotong, Littlefoot, Commando, Bee, Tiwazz, Taz, Cosmic_Wind, Meteor, Superboy, DO, Cookie, BrokenRunner (and her two boys), DreamRunner, Phil, Bselby, 136, and many more. TLR and his family were great hosts :)

Again, at the party, people became aware of my foot injury. And again, I was flooded with advice. Maybe I could auction off my number tag and let someone else run my 42-km. Maybe I could order something off the web, which could help my foot recover. Maybe I should see Dr Ben Tan at CGH. Maybe I should change the way I tie my shoelaces.

I'm still at a loss of what to do next. It'd be such a waste to give up on the marathon, after all these months of training. But an injury is an injury, and I don't want to make it worse. And rather than dropping out of the marathon half-way, I'd rather give up my place to another person who would be able to finish it.

At around 5 pm, I developed a really bad headache, and felt extremely tired and thirsty. I sat myself down onto a couch in TLR's home, and found myself drifting in and out of an uneasy sleep. Maybe I shouldn't have run today. I haven't had enough rest all week, having worked past midnight for a few nights in a row. Or maybe I'm feeling depressed about my injury. Or maybe it's just that sick and oppressive feeling that I get when I remember that I have to work tomorrow and probably won't be able to leave the office until past 10 pm. I was completely concussed by about 6 pm. People started asking me if I needed panadol.

At 7 pm, the SgRunners gathering drew to a close. Balasing, Tiwazz and I decided to share a cab back to the West. On my way out of TLR's house, TLR passed me a hydra-stick. Thanks, bro, I really appreciated that! :)

When I got home, I was still feeling drowsy, and the throbbing continued its relentless pounding in my head. It didn't help that my left foot was still aching. I checked the web on what I could be suffering from. It could be a fracture, or gout, or hallux rigidus (athritis of the big toe). I SMSed a friend, Claire, to ask her if I should get an appointment with the sports clinic at Alexandra Hospital, or if I should just walk in for consultations. She advised me that it would be cheaper for me to go to the polyclinic and get a referral letter from there first.

I think I'll do just that. And I think I may have to just give up the 42-km marathon for 2005. It's a lousy feeling, but I think it'll be a smart move. And thanks, running kakis. You all are excellent pals, and I want to tell you that I really appreciate your care, concern and friendship.

I'm feeling very unwell, a bit tense, and very tired right now, but I feel that I must pen down today's events in my blog before I sleep. I don't think it'll be a peaceful or restful sleep, and I dread waking up tomorrow.

Whittling away

Yesterday afternoon, a colleague said that I've grown thinner since joining the service. I laughed it off, saying that I hadn't been exercising as much as I should (and liked to) and that I have been eating my dinners at about 10-11 pm every day when I get home from work and slept within an hour or two of those full meals. Those were the perfect ingredients for not losing weight.

This morning, I weighed myself. I had lost 3 kg since starting work in August. That's about 1 kg every month. At this rate, I'll disappear from the planet in about 4 years and 3 months.

3rd SgRunners Get-Together-Run

Pictures from the 3rd SgRunners Get-Together-Run (Courtesy of Balasing)

Still here! And I dropped a file on my foot.

I think I'm getting rather tired at work. 15 more minutes, and I can pack up and leave.

Late nights, red eyes

I just realised how red my eyes are. Too many late nights. A number of my colleagues had gone on leave this week, and one of them was posted out on duty for half the time. The workload remained the same, heavy and burdensome...it's always there, it doesn't decrease, and it doesn't say "I can wait until tomorrow" even though I have slogged past official working hours. In fact, I want to go home now.

SgRunners 3rd Get-Together-Run

I had my lunch at Sakae Sushi @ Changi Airport this afternoon. After that, I was supposed to make my way to Katong Community Centre (KCC) by 3 pm. At 2:30 pm, I was at the taxi stand outside Pasir Ris MRT station, waiting anxiously for a cab to get me there. However, no cab driver seemed to know where KCC was, and so declined to take me as their passenger. It was only after TLR replied to my SMS and said that KCC was along Kampung Arang, that the taxi driver (my fifth!) agreed to take me into his vehicle.

At KCC, I met up with the other SgRunners, including Balasing, Taz, Tiwazz, Bee, BrokenRunner, TLR, Commando, Pretty, Cheow12, Sanji, DreamRunner, Carine, Meteor, Alvo, DO, Seal, whr, IronmanDreamer, Kops21, run.run.runaway, Bug, Superboy, Novaflux, Cookie, Sumiko, Freddy, Kunadil, Hedgehog and more. We were there to prepare for our 3rd Get-Together-Run, as well as listen to a sharing presentation by Mr Lim Nghee Huat, who finished the 168-km NTU Run-Round Singapore event earlier last month. Uncle Lim talked to us about his training schedule, his training tips and gave us advice on marathon preparations and nutrition. I also took the opportunity (as there was a sale of various running-related merchandise) to buy myself a race-belt. It was a great session. :)

BrokenRunner emcee-ing the discussion at Katong Community Centre
(Image courtesy of Kops21)

My New Racebelt!

After his talk, Uncle Lim got us to warm up at the ground level of the KCC, before leading us on a short 7~8 km run from KCC to the MacDonalds at East Coast, and then back to KCC again. And surprise, surprise, I met Chee Keong there at ECP as well. We high-fived as we passed back each other. On the whole, today's run was good, slow and easy-going and everyone enjoyed themselves immensely, though I think those of us who ran enjoyed it a bit more than those of us who had volunteered to be traffic marshals along the route. ;)

After our run, we freshened up at KCC and had a short debrief by TLR. He told us about our plans for the Christmas Run and the SgRunners Chalet for the forthcoming New Year. And in accordance with our glorious SgRunners tradition, we took pictures with our SgRunners banner. Having done all that, we trooped down to a nearby foodcourt for dinner. (Along the way, I ran into a friend with whom I had travelled to Gunung Lambak in March this year.) Cheow12 kindly gave me a ride back home :) Thanks Cheow12!

Thanks to everyone in the medical profession!

This morning, I met Dr Leong regarding my foot problem. He analysed my feet and my shoes, and decided to make me a pair of foam orthotics. When they were inserted into my shoes, I could notice a slight improvement in my gait. My left foot was no longer overpronating as much as before. :) But the pain was still there when I tried to tip-toe. The doctor said that the pain would require some time to go away, but it would go away on its own. I was recommended to go back to the clinic after a week of trying out the orthotic insoles, to see if any other changes to them were necessary. Meanwhile, I could try to go on short and light-intensity runs with them. Thanks, Dr Leong! And thanks whr for recommending him to me. :)

Out with the old...


And in with the new!

After that, I headed down to Fort Canning to attend the Club Rainbow Volunteers' Appreciation Tea. Amelia was there as well, and we chatted quite a bit about our working lives and the children. Earlier in the day, Amelia had gone to the hospital with some of the other volunteers to visit F. Thanks to the surgeons and nurses, F was now on the road to recovery. She said that the doctors had taken F off morphine, and so he was now able to feel the pain from the cuts and stitches across his body. He was also feeling the heat and discomfort of being in a non-air-conditioned ward where the fan above him whirled noisily and disturbed his peace. But F put on a brave and resilient front, and whenever he wanted to cry because the pain was too much to bear, he would first block his face with a pillow before dabbing his tears, so no one could see him cry. F would not be discharged for the next three weeks at least. I wish him a speedy recovery.

This certificate goes out to all Club Rainbow volunteers!

End of the week

At last, the end of the week is here. I think I injured my left foot during last Sunday's run. It hurts when I try to tip-toe or roll my foot. Thankfully, whr recommended me a doctor who agreed to meet me tomorrow for a check-up. whr also would be helping me purchase some organic food items which could speed up the healing process of my foot.

I was informed by Poh Lin that F was finally moved to a normal ward today. I'm very pleased with the good news. I'm hoping to find some time to pop by the hospital to say hi later next week.

Sigh, I haven't had much rest this week, although workload at the office has been starting to decrease.

Whirl

I feel rather zombified today. It's probably due to my long run on Sunday and my thoughts about F. I tried to take my mind off things by doing some leisurely reading during lunch, but it didn't really help. I packed up for home at 10:15 pm, ate dinner at 10:45 pm, and did some more reading. Then I surfed the net, checked the SgRunners forum and I am now blogging. My mind's in a whirl. I think I should sleep now.

The night before the operation

I went to visit F at NUH with some of the other Club Rainbow volunteers.

F was scheduled for an operation tomorrow afternoon. It's going to be a major operation, and it would last at least 8 hours. F's mother, who would be staying overnight in the hospital with him, told us that the odds of the operation was only 50/50. The family was hoping for the best, but were also prepared for the worst. If F pulls through tomorrow, he would still have to be warded in Special ICU for a few days, before being transferred to normal ICU and finally to a normal ward.

As I listened to her, I watched F play with the Lego toy which we had bought for him. He seemed to be enjoying himself greatly, and took much pride in his "creative work". I also looked at the other children lying in their beds in the same ward, their concerned family members quietly sitting or standing by their bedsides. All these children will undergo major surgery tomorrow. When I think that some of these precious, young lives could be lost on the operating table within the next 24 hours, I felt very, very sad. I shot a quick prayer to God, but I guess I'll only find out the answers tomorrow.

Another long run

This morning, I was scheduled to meet Cheow12 at 6:25 am at the SPC petrol station near my house. But it was raining quite heavily, and I was stranded under a HDB block. In the end, Cheow12 had to make a detour to pick me up - for which I am very grateful! - and we both made our way to SAFRA Mt Faber to meet up with the other SAFRA Running Club members for our 30-km run.

Today, there was a great turnout for the run, including DreamRunner, Cosmic_Wind, Eng Hwa, Gula, Hock Soon, Colleen, Trainer Ong and more. We ran the following route:

Clubhouse - Henderson Road - Telok Blangah Road -Keppel Rd - Tanjung Pagar Road - Wallich Street - Maxwell Road - Marina South Area (U-turning at the Superbowl) - Maxwell Road - Shenton Way - Keppel Road - Telok Blangah Road - Gateway Avenue - Sentosa (Nike Real Run route) - Gateway Avenue - Telok Blangah Road - Henderson Road - Clubhouse

After the run, I showered at SAFRA, and then joined the rest of the gang for lunch at the Telok Blangah Blk 11 Food Centre.

Overall stats:
Time: 3 hr 58 min 44 sec
Distance: 34.0 km
Max/Average/Average (Running) Heart Rate (bpm): 203 /165 / 175
Average Pace: 7 min 01 sec / km
Calories Expended: 2766 kcal

Para mejorar mi estudio del idioma español

- ¡Hola! ¿Qué tal?
- Muy bien, gracias. ¿Y tú?
- Bien, tambien.
- ¿En qué trabajas? / ¿Qué haces?
- Soy escritor.
- ¿Verdad? Ahora, estoy leyendo "La Quinta Montaña" por el autor brasileño, Paulo Coelho. Es un libro muy interesante.
- Ah, es muy buen escritor, pero ese no lo he leido. Leido varios de él.
- Por ejemplo, ¿"La Alquimista"?
- ¡El libro es genial! ¡Me encanta!

... ...

- Tú eres un alumno estupendo.
- Y tú eres un profesor genial.
- Jeje, soy una chica.
- ¡Mis disculpas!

... ...

- Soy de Tenerife. ¿De donde eres?
- Singapur.
- ¿Cómo se llama tu pais?
- Jajaja, ¡Singapur! Es un pais muy pequeño...una isla como Tenerife. Esta cerca de Indonesia y Malaysia.
- Guai/Chachi. Me gustan las islas. :)

... ...

- To talk about qualities use "ser"...por ejemplo: el es rubio; es grande; ella es morena; es simpatica; la montaña es alta; la casa es pequeña...To talk about where a thing is, use "estar"...por ejemplo: la casa esta cerca del rio; el pais esta cerca del oceano; la niña esta lejos del colegio. ¿Comprendes?
- Sí, ¡gracias por todo!

Resting at home on Saturday

We had a "motivational team-building" course today at work yesterday. I thought it was rather useful. And I thought it made working life a little better.

I woke up today at 11 am, still feeling a bit tired. DreamRunner has invited me to join the Mt Faber SAFRA Running Club for their 30-km run tomorrow morning. I'm really keen to go. All I need to do now, is to keep my fingers crossed, hope that I don't get any last-minute assignments over the weekend, and get an early night's rest tonight.

Interestingly, I learnt from another SgRunner, whr, that simple carbs aren't really good for the purpose of carbo-loading. Complex carbs, such as brown rice, are much better before long-distance races. Hmm...now I need to find a good place that serves brown rice.

2nd SgRunners GTR Comic

Woah, I just noticed this excellent comic strip from SgRunners.com! It must be another of Balasing's creation, using photos taken from the 2nd SgRunners Get Together Run held on 7 October 2005.

Chee Keong, Chee Kong, Chris Ang and I had arrived late for it, but we managed to meet the other SgRunners along the way. It was my first time running the 21-km up and down ECP.

Running in ECP with my pal Chris Ang

At last, I run again

I got up at 11 am this morning, celebrated my mum's birthday (it was yesterday, but I was at work), surfed the net and indulged in all things Spanish, and then went for a run at 4:30 pm, the route being:

Home - Queensway - Mei Chin Road - Stirling Road - Queensway - Commonwealth Ave - Ulu Pandan Canal (4 sets up and down its 2-km length, including touching base at Buona Vista MRT for water-breaks) - Commonwealth Ave - Queensway - Stirling Road - Mei Chin Road - Queensway - Home

I finished my first 20-km in 2 hours, and decided to walk for the next hour, to gauge my walking pace. I covered 7 km. Then, I walked and jogged the remaining distance, completing a total of 30-km in 3 hours 20 minutes (rest-time included). Not bad, I guess, but it could have been better.

Overall stats:
Time: 3 hr 19 min 07 sec
Distance: 30.0 km
Max/Average/Average (Running) Heart Rate (bpm): 217 /172 /180
Average Pace: 6 min 38 sec / km
Calories Expended: 2521 kcal

Spanish Chatroom - Otra conversación nueva

- ¡Hola! ¿Quisieras platicar conmigo?
- Vale.
- Gracias. ¿Estás aquí para aprender inglés o español?
- Español.
- Yo también. ¿Hace cuantos años lo estudias?
- Dos años… ¿Eres tu hispanohablante?
- No, desafortunadamente. He estudiado español hace cuatro años, pero solo en la escuela. Por eso todavía me falta fluidez.
- Soy estudiando desde casa.
- Interesante, ¿para qué lo estudias?
- Pienso que el idioma es muy romántica…jeje…
- Me parece buena razón. ¿Por qué escogiste español en vez de italiano por ejemplo?
- Italiano y español son muy similar, ¿no?
- Supongo que sí. Es que siempre he oído que italiano o frances son considerados más románticos.
- Si, claro. Pero a mi, el idioma más romántica es español.
- Me encanta tambíen…Tengo que irme. Que tengas buena suerte.
- Hasta luego.
- Adios.

Hoy llueve, hoy duele

HOY LLUEVE, HOY DUELE

letra y música: Alejandro Sanz

bajo la lluvia va la gente pensando siempre en qué sitio va a equivocarse, siempre...pensando dónde va a llegar, de dónde viene, lo que quiere, lo que va a dar...

bajo la lluvia van
la gente y las historias,
los momentos van, buscando los motivos, la casualidad
en medio de la lluvia va
ella camina en los espejos harta de volar
yo sigo aquí entre sábanas y música
¿dónde estarás?

que llueve
reflejos que se ahogan duele
qué quienes se me antoja verte
y duele

bajo la lluvia va
la gente buena y mala,
todos por igual,
el pobre, el rico, la estresada y lo vulgar
y en medio de la lluvia van
comienzos y finales
gota a gota harán
de luchas y de treguas, vidas únicas
¿dónde estarás?


equivocarse: make a mistake ~ si no me equivoco (if I am not mistaken)
doler : ache, pain ~ me duele de cabeza
seguir : follow ~ yo sigo adelante
sábana : cloth, sheets
ahogar : drown
antojarse : fancy, craving ~ hace comida cuando se le antoja
estresado: stressed ~ está muy estresada por culpa de la sobrecarga de trabajo
tregua : rest ~ dame una tregua

Down and up

Yesterday morning, the IT guys at my workplace removed the faulty harddisk to my PC, and came back with a new one about half a day later. In between that, my laptop continued to display erratic printing and emailing behaviour. I really appreciated the help provided by the IT guy, Kelvin, because I knew he was also busy with lots of other clients with other technical problems. In the end, due to all the uncooperative hardware, I wasn't able to do my work very efficiently and effectively the whole working day, and received a earful for that. I haven't been in such a foul mood for a long, long time.

It was only around 9:30 pm, that my mood began to lift. After all, the PC was now working, and I could print and send emails again without problems, and I managed to submit some work which I had earlier completed but could neither print out nor email to the appropriate persons. Most of all, it was because I received SMSs from friends that night, encouraging me to perservere and offering prayer. By the time I left the office at 2 am, I was feeling tired, but also very relieved and at peace with the world.

Monochrome

I woke up at 12 noon today. Some of my best friends - Chris Ang, Chee Keong, Chee Kong and Wilson - from my previous workplace had arranged to go running at East Coast Park in the morning, but I had not joined them because I knew I would not be able to get up so early.

But they remembered me, and after their run, even drove by my place to pick me up for lunch. They were on an adrenaline high, having just finished 30-km. Even as we ate at the Rajah Inn at Tiong Bahru, they chatted enthusiastically about pacing, expected timings and running postures. I didn't say much; I wasn't in the mood to talk.

As I sat there with them, I began to slip into deep thought. I wanted to revert back to the old lifestyle where working hours were strictly between 8:30 am to 6 pm, where the working culture was strengthened by a firm belief in being pro-family, pro-sports and pro-health, where I worked hard and received due encouragement and recognition for the effort that I had put in, and where I had time after work for family, friends and social work. But nowadays, my life seems so different. I even dream about my work on some nights; there were no pleasant dreams.

As I listened to my friends' colourful conversations, I realised that my own world had become monochromatic.

When I came home from lunch, I read Daisiki's comment to my previous blog entry. I'm reminded of the "Footprints" poster. The words by Elijah in Coelho's novel again ring in my ears:

-- Hay momentos en que las tribulaciones se presentan en nuestras vidas y no podemos evitarlas. Pero están allí por algún motivo.

(There are moments in which tribulations present themselves in our lives and we cannot avoid them. But they are there for some reason.)

Deepavali

Just a quick 5 minutes before I go home...

Today was Deepavali, the Festival of Lights, but I stayed back to work long enough (from yesterday) for the office lights to be turned off at midnight today. How ironic.

Everything that could go wrong, went wrong today. My office PC started to report an "imminent hard disk failure", and something's wrong with my laptop as well. I can't open some of my emails on my PC, and when I can, it takes ages to open each one. And I can no longer print from my laptop either. And more, and more, and more...including impossible deadlines and uncooperative clients (but I guess these come with every job).

*sigh* I really appreciate my colleagues; they have been incredibly supportive.

But otherwise, at times like these when I'm all alone in the office, I feel very drained as well as a great sense of abandonment by the Almighty.